You Won't Find This
by thinkofme330
Summary: Brooke and Lucas are a young couple struggling to raise five kids. Will their marriage survive? Please read and review! Rating for safety. UPDATE 2/26
1. Chapter 1

AN- Hello! I really don't like posting stories before they are completed, but I really wanted to get this up. Please **review** and tell me what you think. It's only half written now, so if nobody likes it I'll just leave at this and make it an oneshot. As always there are plenty of kids so I'll do what I did for Hello Life-

**Brooke and Lucas-**

Leighton- Seven

Aniston- Five

Taylor- Three

Jenna- Two

Elijah- Newborn

**Nathan and Haley-**

Aaden- Eight

Miriam- Four

Thank you so much for reading this, it means the absolute world to me.

Disclaimer- I don't own One Tree Hill. Title is by Carrie Underwood.

* * *

**Chapter One-**

Brooke was lying in a hospital bed, tears streaming down her face. She had just given birth to her fifth child. Elijah Mason Scott. He was beautiful, she knew. He deserved more. More than the life she and her family were living. Lucas walked into the room, and she quickly wiped the teardrops off her cheeks.

"Hey Lucas,"

"Hey baby, you want to see Elijah?" he asked for the millionth time that day.

Brooke shook her head. She wished he'd stop asking her that. She didn't want to go see him. She didn't want to hold him. All she wanted was to go home, and try to raise the four kids waiting for her there; she didn't need to throw another one into the mix. It wouldn't be fair to Elijah.

"You can't pretend you don't have another son Brooke," Lucas said, adding to the anger Brooke was already feeling.

"I'm not pretending anything, I'm admitting the truth, I didn't want another child."

"Well that's fine, but you have one. You have a newborn son, and you need to start acting like it."

"I am acting like I have a newborn son. I am acting exactly like I have a newborn son. I'm also acting like I didn't want another kid."

"Stop it Brooke, you're turning into your mother."

"I'm turning into my parents? What about you, Dan Junior? Do you even know the name of Taylor's favorite stuffed animal? You don't."

"At least I want my children."

"Have you ever thought that I don't want another child because of you? I am raising our children alone! Maybe I'm not so thrilled with the idea of a newborn in the house because I already have four kids to raise! Maybe it's because Jenna still insists on me carrying her everywhere, and she should, she's two! But I can't carry her and a baby! And if you were good husband and father, you'd understand that!"

"I'm not a good father? Do you understand that I work over-time, every day, trying to get enough commission to feed our children? What are you doing to put food in their mouths?"

"I'm giving them a lot more than a meal. I'm giving them love! I'm taking care of them! I'm showing them that they are important to me!"

"Well that's great Brooke, but that's not keeping their stomachs full, clothes on their backs, or a roof over their heads."

"No, you're right, it's not. It's teaching them that money isn't everything."

"Well I just came in to tell you to call Haley, I can't take you and Eli home tomorrow; I'm trying to make money to keep him from starving to death."

"Fine. If you don't want to be there to see the looks on your kids' faces when they meet their new brother, fine. Have fun feeding us."

Lucas rolled his eyes and left the hospital room.

Brooke felt tears begin to well up in her eyes again. She missed her Lucas. He hadn't been himself since Taylor was born. He started working constantly. When he was home he wasn't happy. Leighton and Aniston had spent hours in their bedrooms crying. Taylor and Jenna didn't even know their father. They only knew the man that was home occasionally and always seemed angry about something.

Brooke knew the marriage was almost over. She needed support. She needed the support of a man. Someone to love her. Someone other than her kids to fall asleep next to. She needed a husband, and Lucas wasn't a husband.

She loved Elijah. She really did. But she regretted him. He was an accident, plain and simple. It almost seemed like a one night stand to Brooke. She and Lucas had slept together twice since Jenna was born two years earlier. And one of those times resulted in Elijah. She already knew that she would never call him Eli. She knew that other people would, but to her he would be Elijah and nothing else.

Her life was chaos. Her children weren't happy. Leighton and Aniston both missed Lucas. They were without a doubt the shyest of the family, and Brooke blamed it on Lucas. They were always quiet, but when Lucas stopped spending time with them it seemed as though they shut down. Leighton stopped hanging out with girls in her class; it became Nathan and Haley's son Aaden or no one. Aniston became lost in a world of dinosaurs and animals. He spent every second thinking or talking about them. He had one friend who was in the same world. Animals.

Taylor and Jenna hadn't gotten the chance to be directly hurt by Lucas. They barely knew him. Taylor thought the world of him, but Brooke doubted that they'd had a full conversation in a year, it ever. Taylor and Jenna had no idea what men were like. They were Brooke though and through. Taylor had become the maternal side of Brooke, watching over her brothers and sisters as if they were her own children. She had become Brooke's saving grace. She knew how to wash dishes and do laundry already and she was only three. The best part was that she loved it. Jenna had become Brooke from high-school. She was a little spoiled and enormously independent. Yet she relied on being near Brooke constantly. She wouldn't put on the outfit Brooke chose for her, but she needed Brooke there while she picked out her own clothes. She could throw a fit like none other, but she wasn't a difficult child, just a dreamer. She was a dreamer without a strong male support in her life. She was Brooke thirty years younger.

They needed Lucas. Brooke was scared of raising Elijah. She'd had Lucas for the first couple years of Aniston's life, but she knew she would be on her own with Elijah. When she thought about the future, she prayed it would be different. But she knew it wouldn't be. She knew in her heart that on the night of Leighton's freshman prom, Lucas would be at work. Not at home telling her date what was expected of him. And her date would most likely be Aaden, although he'd be sure to get a date in seconds. He wouldn't desert his friend. She knew how to talk to her girls about sex, but she was clueless about her boys. Who knew how boys thought? Would Elijah play sports, or become like Jenna and Taylor, mini-Brookes? She was scared he wouldn't get the stimulation he needed. She was simply scared, and she depended on Lucas to give her strength. But he wasn't there. So she was just scared.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2-**

It was chaos at the Scott house.

It had been three weeks since Brooke and Elijah had arrived home from the hospital. Brooke was frantically running around her house with Elijah strapped to her stomach. She needed to find Leighton's purple dress. She knew it was clean; she'd just washed it the day before. She just didn't know what she'd done with it. She had one hour before people started arriving for Leighton's birthday party, and none of her kids were dressed.

"Brooke?" Haley called through the cracked door.

"Haley? Thank goodness you're here. Can you please help me dress Taylor and Jenna? Aniston and Leighton are fine on their own if I ever find Leighton's dress."

Haley nodded and grabbed Jenna's hand trying to lead her to her bedroom.

"No!" Jenna wailed, "Mommy!"

Brooke rolled her eyes. Jenna hadn't done well with Elijah being home. She liked Brooke whenever and wherever she wanted.

"Go with Aunt Haley, Jenna, Mommy will come do your hair in a minute."

Jenna went with Haley, but not without a pout. She was Brooke through and through. Taylor followed in typical Taylor fashion. She was without a doubt the most easy-going of the Scott brood, sweet and helpful.

"Mommy! I broke my dinosaur!" Aniston wailed, crashing into Brooke's leg.

"Okay baby, leave it on the kitchen counter and I'll fix it later."

"No! I need it for the party! It's my new one; I want to show it to Miriam!"

Miriam was Nathan and Haley's little girl. Aniston had been fostering a crush on her for a while, unfortunately, Miriam couldn't have been less interested in him.

"I know sweetie, I'll do what I can."

Aniston frowned a little and placed his broken toy on the kitchen counter.

Brooke grabbed Leighton's dress off the treadmill, and handed it to Leighton, who'd been trailing her mom all morning.

"Mom! It's still wet!"

"It'll be fine, just put it on; it'll be dry by the time people get here."

Leighton pulled the damp dress over her head, messing up her hair in the process. Brooke grabbed a comb out of her back pocket and fixed it, then headed to Taylor and Jenna's room. Taylor was sitting on her bed, shoving a bottle in her baby-doll's mouth. Jenna was standing in her closet with Haley, pouting still.

"I not wearing it," she declared.

"Jenna, put on your skirt," Brooke said, growing exhausted. Jenna ran over to Brooke and wrapped her little arms around Brooke's legs.

"No wanna wear that," she said, little tears streaming down her face.

"Okay, well, pick out something you do want to wear and put it on."

"I'm sorry Brooke," Haley apologized, "I couldn't get her to put on anything."

"It's okay, thanks for the help."

"Anytime. Nathan should be here any minute with Aaden and Miriam."

Brooke nodded then sat down behind Taylor on the bed. She gently pulled the comb through her little girl's soft blonde curls. She was exhausted, and she had a whole birthday party to run. Lucas couldn't come of course, she didn't know why she'd ever expected him to, he hadn't been to any of the other kid's birthday parties. She wasn't happy. She wasn't who she wanted to be. She loved her kids, and wouldn't trade them for the world. But Lucas was never home, and raising five kids on your own isn't easy.

She finished with Taylor's hair and moved onto Jenna's. She combed through the little brunette's curls, ignoring the exaggerated pained look on Jenna's face. Neither she nor Lucas had curly hair, but Taylor and Jenna both had loose curls.

"Okay, you're done," Brooke said, taking the girls into the family room; turning on Noggin.

She went to the kitchen and glued the dinosaur's leg back on.

"Brooke?" Nathan called out, coming through the door with Aaden and Miriam. Brooke ran out of the kitchen to greet her family. She was still amazed by Miriam's resemblance to Haley even after four years. She had light brown curls cascading down her back, huge brown eyes, and the cutest button nose Brooke had ever seen.

"Hey guys," Brooke said, hugging Nathan.

"Mommy!" Taylor screamed, "I need you!"

"Taylor, what is it? Mommy's busy!"

"Mommy hurry, Jenna's hurt!"

Brooke raced into the family room to find Jenna laying on the floor silent tears streaming down her tiny cheeks.

"Taylor, what happened?"

"We was having a tickle fight, and I was tickling Jenna, then she falled!"

"Jenna sweetie, where are you hurt?"

"Arm," Jenna whimpered.

Brooke gently pulled Jenna into a sitting position in order to get a better look at her arm.

"Oh my gosh, Haley, I think it's broken."

"What?"

"Look, it's in a really weird position, I've got to get her to a hospital."

"Go Brooke, I'll stay here and supervise the party."

"Are you sure?" Brooke asked.

"Yeah."

"Okay," Brooke said, springing into action, "Taylor I need you to stay here and help Aunt Haley. I'll take Aniston and Elijah with me, you'll have enough kids without my boys too."

Haley nodded, grabbing Elijah's diaper bag off the coffee table.

"Jenna," Taylor started, "Taylor has to stay here and help Aunt Haley. Do you think you'll be okay with Mommy and Aniston and Elijah?"

Jenna nodded and Brooke smiled. After hearing Brooke refer to herself as "Mommy" with her kids, Taylor had taken to talking about herself in the third person to her younger siblings.

"Okay, tell Leighton that I'm sorry I won't be here for her party, come on kids," Brooke said, taking a hold of Aniston and Jenna's hands and resituating Elijah in the Snugli.

"Don't worry Mommy! I'll watch the kids for you!" Taylor called.

* * *

"Haley?" Brooke said over the phone, trying to talk over Aniston's whines, Jenna's screams, and Elijah's snores.

"Brooke? Where are you?" Haley whispered.

"We're still at the hospital. They had to do this weird thing to Jenna's arm where they attached all her fingers to something and let her arm hang. Apparently it takes a few hours. Plus, because of her size, they couldn't giver her any painkillers, which is why she's screaming her head off."

"Aww, poor baby. Nathan took Aaden and Miriam home, and the girls are in bed. I think Taylor's asleep, Leighton's reading."

"Haley, you are a lifesaver. Why are you still there by the way, where the heck is Lucas?"

"He isn't home yet."

"Not home yet? It's nine!"

"I don't know Brooke, but Leighton's out of bed. I have to go. Go take care of your kids. Give Jenna a kiss."

"Thank you Haley. Tell Ley that I love her."

"Will do, bye Brooke."

"Bye."

"Was that my mom?" Leighton asked, climbing onto couch and settling down next to Haley."

"Yes. She said she loves you."

"How's Jenna?"

"Fixing her arm was a little harder than they expected, but she'll be fine."

"Aunt Haley, if I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"Not even mom."

"I promise."

"I don't feel like they love me."

"What? Leighton, that's not true."

"Neither one was at my birthday party."

"I know sweetie, but your mom would have been there if there were any way that she could've."

"I know. Everyone's just so busy. Dad is never home, and Mom is so busy with all the other kids."

"I know how that feels sweetie. I have a lot of brothers and sisters too. But your parents love you. And I can guarantee that I will always love you and be here for you."

"Thanks Aunt Haley, I love you."

"I love you too Ley. Now go get some sleep birthday girl."

"Night Aunt Haley."

"Goodnight Leighton."

* * *

"Hey Haley," Brooke whispered, creeping through the front door with a sleeping Elijah on her chest, and a holding the hand of a very tired Jenna.

"Hey Brooke. Where's Aniston?"

"He's asleep in the car. I couldn't carry him and Elijah at the same time."

"I'll go get him."

Brooke walked down the hall to the boy's room, Jenna in tow. She gently lifted Elijah out of the Snugli where he'd spent most of the day and laid him down in his crib.

"Where do you want Aniston?" Haley asked.

Brooke pointed to Aniston's bed, and Haley softly placed the sleeping boy on the bed, removing his little tennis shoes and glasses.

"Thanks Haley."

"You're welcome. I'm sorry Lucas didn't come home."

"Yeah, me too. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He's never home before ten."

"Well, I'm gonna head home. Love you."

"Love you too."

Brooke was laying on her queen sized bed watching Leno. Jenna had fallen asleep next to Brooke, or rather on top of Brooke. Lucas still wasn't home. Brooke didn't care. She was too exhausted to care about Lucas. He never had to come home again for all she cared. She situated the blankets and covered Jenna, glancing at the clock. It was midnight. She slid a little farther under the covers, her eyes drooping.

"Brooke?" she heard someone call.

She sat up and saw Lucas walking through the door to the bedroom that they shared.

"Brooke, I'm so sorry I didn't return your calls. Work is just so busy, and people are getting laid off like wildfire. Is Jen okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. She's going to sleep with me tonight, so you might want to sleep on the couch," Brooke said, rolling her eyes a little. She couldn't believe he'd called her Jen. Thank goodness Jenna was asleep, or she would've had a complete hissy fit. It was only Jenna. Never Jen or Jenny.

"Yeah, okay," Lucas replied, heading back out the door.

"I really am sorry Brooke."

"Yeah."

* * *

AN- Hey everybody! Thanks for reading! I'll be out of town all next week, so I wanted to get this up now. A big thanks to little Hannah Gosselin from Jon and Kate Plus Eight, who originally said, "Don't worry Mommy, I'll watch the kids for you." I also took Taylor calling herself "Taylor" from a little girl I babysit, so thank you to her as well. Thank you all so much for reading and if you really want to make me super happy, just click the little **review** button!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"I don't know what to do, Haley," Brooke said, her legs dangling off of the tall barstool she was sitting on at the counter of Karen's café.

"I just don't understand it. How could Lucas have stayed out until midnight when he knew that his daughter was at the hospital?"

"I don't know Haley. I guess it doesn't really surprise me. He hasn't had anything to do with Jenna in the past," Brooke said, kissing the top of the little head asleep against her shoulder.

"It still doesn't sound like Lucas."

"Lucas hasn't sounded like Lucas in three years. None of this sounds like Lucas."

"I'm sorry Brooke."

"Yeah, me too. I better get the kids home."

"Bye."

"Bye."

* * *

"Mommy!" Jenna called from her bedroom.

"Jenna, it's quiet time," Brooke responded from the couch. Jenna had slept all morning at the café and was not about to go to sleep.

"Mommy, make Jenna be quiet!" Taylor said.

"My dino says it is time to get up!" Aniston said, coming out of his bedroom.

Brooke groaned. She needed them to be quiet. She'd been nursing a headache all day, and it was beginning to be joined by a sore throat.

"Aniston, tell your dinosaur that he's wrong. It is time to rest. Mommy's tired. Just go lay down on your bed."

Aniston sighed and went back to his room pouting.

"Mom! Can I leave my room to get a new book out of my back-pack! I finished this one!" Leighton asked from her bed.

"Yeah Ley, that's fine."

"I'm not asleep yet!" Jenna nearly screamed.

Brooke gave up. They weren't going to sleep.

"You can get up," Brooke announced, popping a DVD into the player, heading to her bedroom. They could have the couch. Hopefully that satisfaction would keep them happy long enough for her to squeeze a nap in. All four kids bounded out of their bedrooms. Brooke smiled to herself watching her kids situate themselves on the couch. Jenna was wearing a Sleeping Beauty dress and tiara. Taylor was positioning her baby doll so she could see the television. Aniston had dragged his dinosaur out of the bedroom with him and was sitting on its head. Leighton was plugging her ears with one hand and holding a book with the other. Brooke felt bad for Leighton sometimes. Leighton liked things to be quiet, and in a house with four siblings, she didn't get that very often.

Brooke turned on the movie and collapsed on her bed. She felt her body relax on the soft mattress, as her eyes began to slowly close. _WAAAAA! _Brooke shot up in bed, startled. Elijah was up. She shook her head a little then went to get her son.

"Good morning Elijah! Mommy loves you," Brooke said, lifting him out of the crib and laying him down gently on her bed.

"It's time for a new diaper for Elijah!" Brooke said, kissing her son's nose. Elijah reached up and grabbed Brooke's nose, causing Brooke to giggle. She loved her kids. She changed Elijah into a fresh diaper, and decided to give up her nap. It wasn't going to happen. She went into the family room, and plopped down on the couch next to Leighton, who had given up reading, and was enthralled with the movie. Brooke turned Elijah around so he could see what was going on. Leighton leaned her head against Brooke's shoulder. Elijah grunted a little, then began to scream. Brooke sighed and stood up, situating him on her shoulder, taking him to the kitchen as to not disturb the older kids. She bounced him some, hoping to calm him down. He didn't calm down; he started to scream even louder. Brooke felt her phone buzzing in her pocket, and struggled to flip it open while holding a still screaming Elijah.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Lucas."

"Hey Luke."

"I'm going to be home late tonight."

"Fine," Brooke said, snapping her phone shut.

Brooke was laying in her bed, trying to watch television. The kids were all in bed for the night, but not without a fight. Her head was pounding and she was beginning to admit defeat to the cold that she'd been fighting all day. She pulled herself out of bed, coughing, hoping to find some medicine in the bathroom. She had needed Lucas that day. She didn't feel good, and the kids had been difficult. But he wasn't there. Of course he wasn't. He was never there. Lucas was never there. Brooke felt herself being filled with anger. She was lonely, and it was his fault. She grabbed the phone off of her bedside table. It was only ten. Karen would still be awake.

"Hey Karen," Brooke whispered when she heard the phone be picked up.

"Brooke, what's wrong?"

"Lucas isn't home yet, and I think I need to go to his office and talk to him."

"Okay," Karen said, waiting to hear why she was needed.

"I need you to please come and sit with the kids for a few minutes."

"Brooke, I don't know,"

"Karen, please, this is for my marriage."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thanks."

Brooke grabbed two Aleve from her cabinet, swallowing them quickly. She pulled a pair of jeans from her dresser and pulled them on over her slender frame. She greeted Karen, then slid into the driver's seat of the mini-van that she hated. She contemplated what she was going to say to Lucas. There were so many ways that he'd hurt her. It wasn't the things he did, but rather the things he didn't do. He didn't go to Leighton's birthday party. He didn't go to the hospital to see Jenna. Brooke couldn't remember the last time she had felt the gentle touch of his lips against hers. He was absent. He never told Brooke he loved her anymore. He never thanked her for what she did for her family. The truth was, he didn't do anything. Brooke needed Lucas.

She pulled into the parking lot of his office, next to Peyton's car. Brooke hopped out of the car, feeling a second wind now that the Aleve had kicked in a little. She threw open the door of the office and quickly climbed the stairs to Lucas' floor. She was going to tell him everything. Lay it all down on the table. It was her only choice, she couldn't continue to live the way she had that day. She walked into his office, turning the corner to Lucas cubicle. She felt her heart drop. Her body went weak as her eyes focused on her husband. Her husband and his receptionist. Her husband and her best friend. Lucas and Peyton.

* * *

AN- Hey guys! Sorry this has taken an insane amount of time to be updated, I've been really busy the past couple weeks. This may have a couple of errors because I wanted to get it up quickly for you, so please don't hesitate to point them out to me so they can changed. Thanks for sticking with me, and please please please **review**!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Brooke pulled herself up off the floor, and ran out of the office. She was an idiot. Of course he was having sex. No one spends thirteen hours a day selling office supplies. Brooke climbed into the van, slamming the door behind her. She turned the key in the ignition, then turned the engine back off. It was really over. Everything was over. Hot tears began to stream down her face at a rapid speed. Lucas was gone. He was the only man she'd ever loved. He made her who she was. Without Lucas, she was just a slut. But with him, she was everything. She was smart, she was loving, she was anything she wanted to be. But he didn't want that. He wanted Peyton. He didn't want Brooke. He wanted his receptionist. Brooke once again turned the key, this time she put the car in drive, and drove herself home. She greeted Karen with a half-hearted smile, and ran to her bed, collapsing in a pile on the bed that she had once shared with him.

"Mommy!" Aniston cried through tears. Brooke pulled her body up to a sitting position. She must have fallen asleep.

"Mommy!"

"Aniston, what is it baby?" Brooke asked, pulling him into her lap.

"I-I had a dream that you left, and never came back, and then monsters came and you weren't here to save me," Aniston explained through sobs.

"Aniston, it's okay, it was just a dream. Mommy's here, I'll never leave you," Brooke said, gently rocking the terrified five year old in her arms. Ever since Brooke had become pregnant with Elijah, Aniston had begun having nightmares. Each dream worse that the last.

"Sleep with me Mommy?"

"Yeah," Brooke agreed, taking Aniston back to the bedroom he shared with Leighton. She lay down on her little boy's bed, Aniston's head resting on her shoulder.

"Wake up Mommy!" Jenna said, bouncing up and down on Brooke's sleeping body.

"Jenna, Mommy's sleeping. What time is it?"

"One hundred o clock."

Brooke cracked open her eyes, and glanced at Aniston's monkey clock.

"Oh my god, it's seven thirty," Brooke groaned as she pulled herself to a sitting position.

"Oh my gosh, Mom, not oh my god," Leighton said, pulling her shoes on.

"Hey Leight."

"Morning."

Brooke shifted Jenna to her hip and went into the kitchen to pack lunches.

"Hey baby," Lucas said, handing a whiny Elijah over to Brooke, forcing Brooke to put Jenna down.

"Hi."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Sure."

"You okay?"

"Yep. The kids are going to Haley's for a little this morning. We're going to get coffee."

"Sorry babe, I can't, I have a meeting."

"You have two choices, coffee this morning or d-i-v-o-r-c-e papers this morning."

"Ten?"

"Perfect."

"I have to go," Lucas said changing the subject, "Bye kids."

"Daddy! No! Don't go!" Aniston said, clinging to Lucas' leg. Brooke was silently begging the same thing. She knew that when Lucas left that morning, her marriage would go with him.

"I have to go, I love you."

"Bye Daddy."

* * *

"What do you want Brooke?" Lucas asked, watching his wife pace the floor of the local Starbucks. Brooke knew that this was not a conversation for Karen's.

"I want a minute! Okay, Lucas? I want a minute to think!"

Lucas backed off and took a sip of his drink. Brooke took her seat, wiping away a stray tear.

"I know Lucas."

"What so you mean you know?" Lucas asked, his heart rate speeding up.

"About you and Peyton. I saw you on top of her last night."

"What the hell Brooke? Why were you at my work last night?"

"So not the point! Why were you having sex with Peyton?" Brooke said, raising her voice, and moving to a standing position.

"You shouldn't have invaded my privacy like that Brooke."

"You shouldn't have been having sex with another woman while I was at home with our five children!"

"I can't believe this."

"Trust me, I can't either," Brooke said, sitting back down, putting her head in her hands.

"Look, Brooke, I'm sorry."

"How long Lucas?"

"A couple of years."

"A couple of years?" Brooke nearly screamed, standing back up.

"I said I was sorry!"

"I'm sorry too! I'm sorry you had sex with my best friend! And I'm sorry that this marriage is over, but it is. It's over Lucas. I can't take this any longer. You can send Karen over for your stuff."

"Fine."

"Yeah."

Brooke picked her cup off the table, ignoring the stares of the others in the Starbucks. She allowed herself to cry as she walked to her car. She let her sobs take over her as she drove to Haley's then as she loaded her sleeping kids in the car, disregarding Haley's inquiries. She drove home and gently placed each of her sleeping children in their beds, then crawling into her own bed. Her marriage was over. She had walked down the isle for nothing. Now she had to feed and house her five kids alone.

"What's wrong Mommy?" Taylor asked, tip-toeing into her parent's room.

"I just miss Daddy."

"It's okay Mommy. I'll play with you until he comes home."

Brooke nodded to please her little girl, but the words of her three year old tore her heart to shreds. Because Lucas would never come home. He was gone.

Taylor climbed into Brooke's lap, gently wiping her mother's tears away with her tiny hands.

"Thank you Taylor; Mommy loves you."

"Taylor loves you too."

* * *

"Mom!" Leighton called, coming through the front door, dumping her back-pack by the door. She wandered into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry.

"Jenna, where's Mom?" Leighton asked, walking into the family room where Jenna, Taylor and Aniston were watching television.

"Mommy's sleeping," Taylor answered for her sister.

"Why?"

"She's sad."

"Mom?" she asked, slipping through the cracked door of the master bedroom. Brooke was sitting in bed, with her knees pulled to her chest, silent tears sliding out of her closed eyes. She quickly wiped her tears and tried to compose herself.

"Mom, are you okay?" she asked walking over to the bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out to check on you and your brother and sister in a minute," Brooke said, walking over to Elijah's crib, taking her half-asleep baby boy in her arms.

"'Kay."

Leighton slowly turned around and left the bedroom. Brooke held Elijah close, running her hands through his blonde hair. She sat back down on the bed, situating Elijah on her lap. It's been a long day, and she had a lot to hurt about. But she couldn't do that. She had a family to raise. She pulled herself up from the bed, and went to the family room and sat silently on the couch between Jenna and Aniston. She felt her eyes being threatened by tears again, and she quickly wiped the moisture out of her eyes. Leighton noticed the tear, and got up from the couch. She grabbed the phone from the kitchen and tip-toed to her bedroom, as to not be noticed. She quickly dialed the numbers she'd known by heart since she was two.

"Hello?"

"Aunt Haley, it's Leighton. Can you come over? My mom is crying and I don't think she can stop."

"She's still crying? What's wrong?"

"I don't know, she was in her bed crying when I got home from school, and Taylor made it sound like she'd been crying earlier too."

"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Thanks Aunt Haley, love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

"Brooke?" Haley called, opening the front door.

"Haley?" Brooke asked from the kitchen.

"Hey Brookie." Haley said, sitting down beside Brooke, her back resting on the counter.

"Tell me what has your eight year old so worried about you that she called her aunt."

"What?" Brooke asked, wiping away another tear from the stream that she couldn't control.

"Leighton called me and told me you'd been crying all day. And the Brooke Davis-Scott I know, would never cry all day in front of her kids. So, tell me what's up."

"It's Brooke Davis now. No Scott." Brooke answered flatly.

"Brooke, what are you talking about?"

"He slept with her Haley," Brooke said, breaking down into a fit of tears, "He slept with Peyton."

"Brooke sweetie, what are you talking about?"

"Lucas. I went to talk to him at the office last night, and he was on top of her. He admitted it this morning." Brooke said through sobs.

"Oh my gosh. Brooke, I am so sorry." Haley said, wrapping her arms around her sobbing friend.

"I am so sorry."

* * *

AN- Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading. Please please please review! I'm having a hard time with this story, and reviews truly do make all the difference. Thanks a bunch!


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Did you check the tires  
Put gas in the car  
Don't think you need too much, 'cause you ain't gonna get that far  
Did you pack the good times  
Don't forget a map  
Just in case the route you take isn't there to take you back_

Lucas was sitting on Nathan and Haley's couch, Peyton beside him, grasping his hand tightly. Haley's voice was filling the room, harmonizing with the soft strum of her guitar strings. Miriam sat beside her mother on the step in front of the fireplace, while Aaden and Nathan squished into the recliner together. Miriam's young but strong voice joined her mother's as they reached the chorus.

_You can hold any girl that you like  
Fall in love when it's easy at night  
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better  
When you're lost and you've run out of road  
Find what I already know  
In the end close is all there is  
But you won't find this  
No, you won't find this_

Lucas looked up to the mantle at the picture displayed in a simple gold frame, then down to his hand, still holding Peyton's. Remorse filled his heart as he looked at the faces of his grinning children, all sitting on Brooke's hospital bed, Leighton proudly holding her baby brother. He had missed that day. He had been at work, or rather with Peyton.

Peyton. He loved her. Or so he told himself. Mainly, she was there. She was willing. Something Brooke wasn't. Peyton was available. Brooke was a mother of five. Lucas looked back up to the picture. He knew he wasn't being fair. Brooke had five kids, but he did too. Leighton and Aniston were his. Jenna and Taylor were his. Elijah was his. But, as he thought about it, he realized that they weren't. They weren't his. Biologically, yes, but he didn't know them. At one point he had, or he had at least known Leighton and Aniston. But Jenna and Taylor and Elijah were mysteries to him. So yes, Peyton fulfilled a longing, but he could never find love for her like the love for his children.

_There's once in a lifetime  
And there's once in a while  
And the difference between the two is about a million miles  
Oh, you might get lucky while the moon is looking up  
But in the truth of the morning, the stars will be long gone_

Haley's voice slowly dropped off as she let her daughter lead the second verse. Lucas listened to the voice of the little girl he loved so much. He tried to remember his first time with Peyton. It was probably at the office after everyone else had gone home. But he didn't know for sure. It had become a constant in his life. Sex with Peyton. Rarely had he slept with his wife in the past few years, but he remembered them distinctly. He remembered the night little Elijah had been conceived. Peyton had been sick and out of work, and he had no reason to stay late.

He had come home from work in time for dinner, which had thrilled Brooke. He remembered that dinner. Aniston was on cloud nine, having his daddy home to eat with him. Lucas knew he hadn't been the most attentive listener, but Aniston told him everything there was to know about… giraffes maybe. Afterwards, Brooke put the kids to bed while he watched television. Brooke had come into the family room crying, begging Lucas to love her. Her tears broke his heart, and he loved her the only way he remembered how. Nine months later Elijah arrived.

_  
You can hold any girl that you like  
Fall in love when it's easy at night  
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better  
When you're lost and you've run out of road  
Find what I already know  
In the end close is all there is  
But you won't find this_

Haley joined back in for the chorus and Lucas found himself missing his wife. He looked over at Peyton who had a look of fake attentiveness on her face. He felt himself hating her. Not because she was rude, or fake, which she was, but because she wasn't Brooke. His thoughts were beginning to make sense. He had never wanted Peyton, he had wanted love. Life with Brooke was complicated, and sex with Peyton wasn't. But Peyton was lacking. It wasn't anything he could pin-point, but he knew it was there.

He needed Brooke. He wanted Brooke. Peyton wasn't it. He needed attention, and Peyton gave it to him. But it didn't last. Peyton wasn't lasting. She was simply a short term replacement, because he didn't want to have to deal with the craziness of life with Brooke. He felt his eyes fill with tears that he wiped quickly away. He knew what he had to do. Peyton wasn't Brooke.

_You can hold any girl that you like  
Fall in love when it's easy at night  
But, you'll wake up wondering why she ain't ever something better  
When you're lost and you've run out of road  
Find what I already know  
In the end close is all there is  
Oh, in the end it's me you're going to miss  
'Cause you won't find this  
Oh, you won't find this_

* * *

AN- Alright guys, don't think I'm letting Lucas off the hook. He still cheated on his wife, but I wanted to show his side of things and exactly how he realized his mistakes. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! They really do make my day. Not to mention, without them, this chapter probably would never have been written. So please review! They give me so much encouragement and so many great ideas. Thanks! Lyrics by Carrie Underwood.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Brooke was laying on the couch, with Elijah asleep in his swing beside her, Taylor and Jenna both sprawled out on top of her. She hadn't been able to work up the energy to get them all in the right bed for nap time. She had the television on, but wasn't really watching it. It had been three weeks since she'd kicked Lucas out, and the pain seemed to only be growing. She started coughing, trying to control it as to not wake up her kids. The stress of a divorce hadn't done much for the cold she'd been fighting since the night she found Lucas with _her_. Haley had attended as many of the meeting with the lawyers as possible. Brooke couldn't stand to be around Lucas, he made her feel physically nauseous.

Brooke crawled out from under her girls and tip toed into her bedroom, unable to control her coughing any more. She coughed until she couldn't anymore, then sneezed twice. She pulled herself into the bathroom for more medicine, finding that she had run out. She picked up the phone and slowly dialed the number to Haley's cell.

"Hello?"

"Hey Hales, it's Brooke," she said, her voice coming out even raspier than usual from her recent coughing fit.

"Hey Brooke, what's up?"

"Can you please grab some cold medicine when you pick up the kids from school? I'll pay you back."

"Yeah, of course, are you not over that cold yet? Do you want me to watch the kids this afternoon so you can go to the doctor?"

"No, I'm fine. It's just a cold, the medicine will be fine."

"Okay, I'll see you in a couple of hours, love you Brooke. Take care of yourself."

"Love you too."

Brooke hung up the phone and sunk into the pile of pillows on her bed. She had made a conscious decision to buy Wal-Mart bedding so she could afford all the pillows her heart desired. She let herself close her heavy eyes hoping to relieve the throbbing pain in her head.

"Mommy?"

Brooke mustered up her strength, and lifted her body up on her elbows.

"Mommy, my arm hurt," Jenna said, clasping her cast to her chest.

"Okay," Brooke said coughing, "Let's go to the kitchen and get some medicine."

"Carry me?" Jenna said in her most pitiful voice.

"Yeah," Brooke agreed, scooping her up in her arms. She adjusted Jenna onto her hip, trying to steady herself as she dragged her body down the hallway.

"Whoa," She said, placing her hand against the wall, the room spinning.

"Mommy?" Jenna asked, peering into her mother's eyes.

"Mommy's fine," Brooke said, as she tried to regain her balance. She took another step, the room spinning faster now, then leaned her body against the wall collapsing into an unconscious state.

* * *

"Brooke?" Haley called, walking into the chaotic house. Taylor was playing with Elijah, trying to calm him down. Jenna was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor, crying, trying to reach the Motrin on the counter.

"Taylor, where's Mommy?" Leighton asked coming in behind her aunt.

"Taking a nap."

"Oh my gosh, Leighton, go to the kitchen and call an ambulance," Haley said running down the hallway to the place where Brooke had collapsed. Leighton ran to the phone, knocking Jenna over in the process, causing the little girl's tears to multiply. Elijah, sensing the tension, started bawling also. Aniston was standing in the middle of the house, looking around the house, confused and scared.

"An ambulance is coming," Leighton said, taking Elijah out of the swing.

"Okay, thank you Leighton," Haley said, "Aniston, can you go tell Miriam and Aaden that they can get out of the car and come inside?"

Aniston nodded and turned to go tell his cousins. Haley grabbed a pillow off of the couch and tried to prop Brooke up a little bit. She wet a washcloth, and placed it against Brooke's warm forehead.

"Haley?" Brooke murmured, her eyes fluttering open.

"Brookie, girl, what happened?"

"I don't know. I was carrying Jenna to the kitchen to get some Motrin, and then I just blacked out," Brooke said, trying to sit up.

"Don't try to get up, Brooke, an ambulance is coming."

"Haley, that's dumb," Brooke said coughing, "I'm seriously fine," she said, the room beginning to spin again.

"The ambyoulance is here," Miriam said, walking into the hallway. Haley smiled at her daughter's pronunciation. Miriam had never been able to say drawer or ambulance.

"Haley, I'm fine. I'm not going," Brooke reiterated.

"Brooke, you collapsed with your two year old in your arms. You're not fine."

Brooke nodded, and Haley helped her sister-in-law to her feet.

"What can I do for you, Ma'am?" the paramedic asked, following Aniston into the house.

"My sister in law Brooke passed out while holding her daughter earlier, I don't know when, her daughter is fine, but I think Brooke's been unconscious for a while. She's had a really bad cold, and she has a high fever," Haley said in one breath.

"All right Brooke. We're gonna take you to the hospital and see what's up."

Brooke nodded weakly, leaning against the paramedic's strong body, walking out to the ambulance.

"You coming?" He asked, glancing back at Haley.

"I can't. I have my two kids, and my five nieces and nephews. I'll drop them off at their grandma's and meet you there."

"That would be best," the paramedic said, as they placed Brooke on the stretcher.

* * *

"Family of Brooke Scott?" the doctor called out. Haley and Lucas stood up.

"Brooke has a severe case of pneumonia. She has a fever of 104, which was causing her to overheat and experience dizzy spells and fainting. It probably didn't help that she hadn't eaten all day. We have her on medication to help reduce her fever, medicication to help her breathe, and antibiotics. Due to the severity of her fever, we have her on an IV to keep her hydrated, and to feed her."

"Oh my god," Haley said, leaning into Lucas, "Can we see her?"

"One at a time," the doctor said, walking away.

"You go," Lucas said blankly.

"Lucas, she's your wife."

"You don't think I know that Haley? I know that she's my wife. And I know that she's really sick. But she hates me! Okay? She doesn't want to see me, and I don't know what to do," Lucas said, raising his voice, tears streaming down his face.

Haley nodded, and wiped a tear off her face, and walked into the hospital room.

"Hey Brooke," she said, pulling a chair up beside the bed where her best friend was laying.

"Hey Hales," Brooke said, erupting into a coughing fit.

"You're fine, huh?" Haley said, handing her a glass of water.

"Shut up Haley," Brooke said hoarsely, sipping the water.

"Lucas is here."

"Why? Shouldn't he be having sex with another woman?"

"He really misses you."

"I miss him too, but I don't want to see him."

"Okay," Haley agreed, "Leighton, Aniston, Taylor, and Jenna made you stuff," she said, pulling a thick stack of papers out of her purse.

"Aww," Brooke said, looking through the papers, "When can I see them?"

"I guess anytime. But only one at a time."

"Maybe tomorrow," Brooke said, leaning her head back.

"I'll let you get some rest," Haley said, as Brooke's eyes began to close, "Love you Brookie."

"You too Tutor-mom. Tell the kids I love and miss them," Brooke murmured as Haley began to leave the room.

"Will do."

* * *

AN- Hey guys. Sorry for the wait. I'm not a doctor and I know that all the hospital stuff is most likely incorrect, but I did what I could. Thank you for the reviews, I would love to hear what you think about this chapter as well. Thanks for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Lucas was sitting on a bench just outside the doors of the hospital where his wife was being treated. He felt tears slowly fall from his eyes. He hurt. He was hurting and he hurt other people. Brooke was his wife. She was his soulmate. Why had he done it? Why had he slept with Peyton? He was a husband. A father. He had the best family that he could have asked for. But he hadn't cared. He'd slept with Peyton, and he sucked.

He knew it was his fault. He knew it was the stress of the seperation that had made her so sick. Not to mention if he had been there to take care of his kids Brooke could've rested and would've been healthy by then. But he wasn't. He wasn't the person that Brooke deserved. The tears were now pouring from his eyes. He stood up suddenly. He was going to see her. He had to fix this. He walked purposefully through the doors and down the hallway to her room. She was perfect. Even lying in the hospital sick, she was perfect.

"Hey Brooke," he said quietly.

"Haley?" She murmured, slowly opening her eyes.

"It's Lucas."

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be out having sex with your office workers?"

"Brooke, I'm sorry, okay? I broke up with Peyton. I need you, I miss you."

"Shut up Lucas," Brooke said, quickly alert in her bed.

"No Brooke, I can't. I have to fix this."

"You can't Lucas! Okay? You cannot fix this! You made a choice. A conscious desision to sleep with Peyton. You should've known that as soon as that condom was opened, we were through. Now you need to leave. I have pnuemonia, and five kids at home that I have to take care of! I have to get better, and I cannot do that with you anywhere close to me! So leave!" Brooke screamed, her voice loud and raspy at the same time. She started caughing hard, then began to choke. The nurse came rushing in, knocking Lucas out of the way.

"You need to leave," the intern said, coming into the room.

"She's my wife," Lucas said quietly.

"Leave."

* * *

AN- Okay, I know that this is unbelievably short, but I'm sort of stuck, and I wanted to at least get something out for you. I have a huge favor to ask you. If you can, I would love for you to write a review or pm me and tell me if you want Brooke and Lucas to end up together or apart and if possible why. I think if I know which direction I'm headed, the update will come much faster and longer. Thank you so much, I really hope to hear from you!


	8. Chapter 8

"Lucas! Where the heck have you been?" Haley whispered, gently rocking her hips while Taylor slept lightly on her shoulder.

"At the hospital."

"Lucas, you didn't."

"Yeah I did."

"What'd Brooke do?"

"She yelled a lot, then started coughing really hard, and the doctors made me leave."

"Thank God," Haley muttered.

"Haley, she's my wife. I miss her."

Taylor stirred in Haley's arms and murmered, "I want Mommy."

Haley shot Lucas a 'now look what you've done look done' look.

"Mommy's not home yet sweetie, but you know who is? Daddy," Haley gently whispered to the little girl, hoping to avoid the tears threatening to spill out of the little girl' eyes.

"No! No Daddy! Mommy!" Taylor cried, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Lucas," Haley said.

"Hey baby," Lucas said softly, taking Taylor from Haley's tired arms.

"No!," Taylor screamed, "Mommy."

"Mommy is still at the doctors, so while she's gone we have to be extra good for her," Lucas tenderly persuaded, "Can you do that for Mommy?"

Taylor nodded, laying her head against Lucas' shoulder.

"I'm going to go home Luke," Haley said, kissing the top of Taylor's head, "Don't do anything stupid."

* * *

"Mommy!" Jenna cried, slipping out of Haley's arms and immediately climbing into the bed beside Brooke.

"Hi babies!" Brooke said, hugging Jenna.

"Hi Mommy," Taylor said, clinging to Haley.

"Hey Taylor," Brooke said gently, noticing the fear in her daughter's eyes.

"I just brought the youngest three today, I thought I would bring Leighton and Aniston by tomorrow," Haley said, putting Elijah's car seat down on the floor and adjusting Taylor so she could sit.

"Thanks Haley."

"I take care of Jenna and 'Lijah for you Mommy," Taylor spoke up, slowly slipping out of Haley's lap.

"Thank you Taylor," Brooke said, adjusting herself to a sitting position in the hospital bed.

"Can I see Elijah?" she finally asked, as Taylor crawled up the bed snuggling against Brooke's shoulder.

Haley nodded and fumbled with the car seat until she somehow managed to get Elijah out and into Brooke's eager arms.

"Hey Haley?" she asked, surrounded by her kids.

"Yeah?"

"This makes me happy."

* * *

"Daddy!" Aniston cried, flying into Lucas' open arms.

"Hey Buddy," Lucas greeted, wrapping Aniston in a great big bear hug.

"I made you something," Aniston said excitedly, scrambling out of Lucas' embrace to get to his backpack. He pulled out a piece of blue construction paper with two words written on it.

"It says 'Daddy' and 'Aniston,'" Aniston said eagerly, handing the paper to Lucas.

"I love it," Lucas said scooping Aniston into his arms, "You ready to get Leighton?"

Aniston nodded, wrapping his arms around Lucas' neck. They reached Leighton's classroom with only one stop to let Aniston go to the bathroom, which Lucas considered a bit much, but Brooke would've been impressed by.

"Hi Dad, hi Aniston," Leighton greeted as she collected her folder and book.

"Are you Leighton's daddy?" a little girl with blonde curls asked, looking up at Lucas.

"Yes, I am."

"I thought you were dead."

"Umm... no." Lucas responded, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

"Come on Dad," Leighton said, rolling her eyes and grabbing Lucas' hand. Lucas smiled and kissed the top of Aniston's head. He was finally being a dad.

* * *

Three months later

"Daddy's here!" Taylor screamed, flying through the living room open the door for Lucas.

"Hey Taylor," Lucas said, kissing her cheeks.

"Hey Luke," Brooke said, holding Elijah with one hand, and wiping the countertops with the other.

"Hi Brooke," Lucas said, taking Elijah from her. Brooke gave him a grateful half-smile.

"Jenna, Leight, Aniston, your daddy is here," Brooke called. Aniston flew out of his bedroom, crashing into Lucas' legs. Leighton came down the hall few minutes, dragging Jenna behind her.

"No wanna go!" Jenna shrieked, breaking free of her sister's grasp and flying into Brooke's arms.

"Hey Jen," Lucas said softly, pushing the hair out of Jenna's tear stained face. Brooke inwardly winced. Lucas still didn't understand that Brooke's children- his children- did not respond well to nick names. Especially Jenna. She immediately shifted herself onto Brooke's other hip, edging away from Lucas.

"Jenna, Lucas, her name is Jenna," Brooke reminded him.

"Daddy, let's go," Aniston said, emerging from his room with his dinosaur back pack. Brooke grinned as she watched him drag the bag down the hall. He had blossomed since Lucas came back into his life. He still loved his animals, but he talked more, and was becoming interested in basketball, which Lucas loved.

"Just a minute Aniston," Brooke said, trying to hand off Jenna to Lucas.

"No no no!" she screamed, intertwining her fingers around Brooke's neck.

"Jenna sweetie," Brooke tried to reason, sitting down with Jenna in her lap. "Daddy is taking you to the children's museum. Leighton and Aniston and Elijah and Taylor are going with you. Mommy has to go to the doctor. Then we're going to go to McDonalds together for dinner. Okay?"

"Okay," Jenna said tearfully, still clinging to Brooke's shirt.

"Taylor is asleep in her room," Brooke told Lucas, "I'm going to walk Jenna down to the car if you can grab Taylor."

Lucas nodded and quickly buckled Elijah in his car seat. Brooke moved Jenna over to one hip, and grabbed Elijah with her free hand.

Brooke placed a now much calmer Jenna into her car seat, and slowly opened her daughter's fist that still had a death grip on her shirt.

"I miss you Mommy."

"Miss you too baby," Brooke grinned, buckling Elijah in beside Jenna.

Lucas arrived holding a groggy Taylor with Leighton and Aniston trailing along behind him. He quickly buckled them all in their booster seats and was ready to go.

"Thanks Luke," Brooke said awkwardly. She hadn't forgiven him. But she pretended to, and she was trying.

"No problem, see you at dinner."

"Yeah."

* * *

"Mommy!" Taylor cried, running through McDonalds at top speed to the booth Brooke was sitting at.

"Hi Taylor," Brooke smiled, combing her fingers through Taylor's tangled hair.

Lucas arrived through the door a few seconds later, holding a still screaming Jenna.

"Hey Lucas," Brooke said, immediately standing up and taking Jenna. Jenna relaxed into Brooke's embrace, tears still in her eyes.

"Brooke, she cried almost all day, I don't know what's wrong."

"Okay, thanks Luke, I'll take care of it. Where are the rest of my kids?"

"Aniston and Leighton are supposed to be right behind me with Elijah."

Brooke turned to see Aniston and Leighton struggling to open the door and carry Elijah in his car seat.

"Lucas, you can't do that," Brooke said jumping up, "There not big enough to carry him."

Brooke ran out and grabbed Elijah from the kids, Jenna still clinging to her.

"Hi Mom." Aniston said defeatedly.

"Hey buddy. Why didn't either of you tell Daddy that you aren't allowed to carry Elijah?"

"He asked us to take him inside," Leighton piped up.

"Okay," Brooke said, dropping it for the time being.

"Mommy?" Jenna whispered in Brooke's ear.

"Yeah baby?" Brooke answered, placing Elijah's seat down on the table.

"I go potty."

"You need to?"

"No, I go potty already."

"In your pull up?"

"Uh huh."

"And that why you're upset." Brooke said as a statement, not a question.

"Yeah."

Lucas was sitting on the floor of the play place removing shoes from kids.

"I'm taking Jenna to the bathroom Lucas, we'll be right back," Brooke told him, placing Elijah down next to Lucas. Lucas nodded and continued fighting with the knot in Aniston's shoe laces.

Brooke quickly cleaned Jenna up and put her in a clean pull-up. She instantly perked up, and ripped of her shoes, clamoring towards the play area.

"How do you do that?" Lucas asked, placing Elijah into Brooke waiting arms.

"She told me Lucas, it wasn't that hard." Brooke said, pulling a bottle out of the diaper bag.

"Yeah, but she was with me all day, and didn't talk hardly at all."

"I'm her Mommy Lucas, she trusts me. She'll trust you too one day, you just have to be patient."

"I'm sorry about letting Leighton and Aniston carry Elijah," Lucas said ashamedly.

"It's fine Lucas, you didn't know."

"But I should have known. No one should expect a seven year old to be able to carry an infant."

"Leighton is eight Lucas," Brooke smiled.

"Sorry."

* * *

AN- I am so sorry it took so long to get this up. I wanted it to be a little longer, but I haven't had anytime to write lately. I'll update again as soon as possible, school this year is just crazy. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review! They make me update so much faster, and they help me know what direction to take the story in. Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

_The sky is losing all its light faster by the hour,_

_All this hurt inside of me and it opens like a flower._

_Even if I wanted to I couldn't be a coward now. _

_Sitting with the memories and all these sudden changes, _

_Looking at my life I know I gotta rearrange it. _

_Guess I'll find out soon enough_

_If I am strong enough to lay with all these shadows now._

_So I'm gonna pull the covers over my head,_

_Gonna face it even though I know I'm not ready yet. _

_In the morning I won't miss you anymore._

_That's what the night is for._

Brooke was lying across her bed, staring at the darkness above her. She had just fed Elijah his mid-night meal and he had quickly drifted back to sleep. She knew he was getting to old to be in her bedroom, but she had no where else to put him and she needed the company. These were the times when she missed Lucas. The times when her life was silent, and she just wanted to be held. She could still remember the good times with Lucas. She remembered when he kissed her in the pouring rain and the look on his face when she told him she was pregnant the very first time. But she also remembered the times he hadn't been there. When every single child had the stomach flu, and she had sat, covered in vomit, crying, he hadn't been there. He hadn't been there when Jenna was born. He didn't go to Leighton's school play. She could never forgive him. But, still, she missed him. The next thing she knew, the alarm was beeping and life had started back again.

"Mommy," Jenna said, sleepily stumbling into Brooke's bedroom, "I don't feel good."

Brooke wrapped her in a hug. Jenna had memorized which days Lucas had with the kids. Jenna had seen Taylor stay with Brooke once when she was sick, and since then, every other weekend, she had complained of a tummy ache or stuffy nose without fail.

"I'm sorry Jenna; you have to go to Daddy's."

Jenna put on a pout and stomped out of the bedroom. Brooke smiled at her daughter's dramatic side. Haley said it was just like Brooke, but Brooke wasn't so sure.

"Good morning Mommy!" Aniston said cheerfully, hopping out of his room wearing mismatched clothes and his shoes on the wrong feet. He had improved so much. Every weekend he spent with Lucas, he came home a little more outgoing.

"Morning, Aniston," Brooke said yawning, then kissing her little boy's forehead.

She found Leighton at the kitchen table, shoveling Cheerios into her mouth at full speed.

"Hey Leight."

"Hi Mom," she said, mouth full of cereal.

Brooke placed bowls in front of Jenna and Aniston and went to try to drag Taylor out of bed. She was the late sleeper of the bunch. The doorbell rang as Brooke was tying Taylor's tiny tennis-shoes.

"Daddy!" she squealed, running to the door, her left shoe flying off in the process.

"Hey Tay," Lucas said, scooping the little girl into his arms.

"Taylor," she corrected, "Taylor Isabelle Scott."

"Sorry," Lucas said. He still hadn't mastered the fact that only Leighton would respond to anything except her full name.

"I'm sick," Jenna said, with a pathetic little fake cough.

"You are?" Lucas asked, slightly confused.

"She's not sick Lucas," Brooke said, situating Elijah and Jenna on each hip, carrying them out to Lucas' car. She slid the door closed, jumping slightly when she turned to see Lucas standing directly in front of her.

"I want to come home Brooke."

"Lucas, I told you, I need more time."

"How much longer? I want to chance to be a good dad and husband."

"I don't know how much longer. Maybe never. You already had that chance Lucas."

"I know. And I messed it up. I messed it up so bad, and I'm sorry."

Brooke allowed herself to be momentarily captured by his word and soft voice, leaning into his body.

"I can't Lucas," she said, physically pushing herself away from him.

"I can't."

AN- First of all, whoever is still reading this deserves an award. Like a big, shiny, gold medal that says, "I'm the nicest and most loyal person ever." I'm so sorry about the lack of updates. To be honest I haven't been watching the show very loyally, plus I have a lot of uncreative writing for school this year, and after 1000 words on Beethoven or Jane Austen novels, I'm not really in the mood to write anything. I know that those are both lame excuses, but I'll try to do better. Lyrics by Hillary Lindsey. Thanks for reading.

PS- Please please please review! They make me _very _happy!


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